She had a mental sickness, though she was in a controllable situation, things weren’t looking good for her. Her illness was consuming her a little by little. He on the other hand, was in a little better situation than she was. What was keeping her sane was him; she didn’t feel as though she was this entirely weird person as what people think she was. She felt free, free from this suppression from the community when she is with him. She felt this different connection when she’s with him, as though she could just be who she was and wouldn’t need to feel intimidated by him. He was the one thing that kept her going. He was the heart beat of her life. It was as though God had sent him to be her guardian angel, to keep her persevering to go move step by step. She had her own personal battle going through her mind and luckily he got the best out of her every time she felt suicidal.

                                ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Silently, she walked out of the room, slowly sliding the door behind her making sure that she hadn't made a slightest sound. As the door clicked, she felt a sudden relief and took a deep breathe. A hurdle down, with two more barriers to surpass; walking down the stairs without waking her dog up and slipping pass her mother who was fast asleep on the couch. She was walking on the tip of her toes over Toby, her dog. She accidentally brushed her foot against his body and immediately she stopped, he woke up and looked around. Looking from left and right, searching for any sign of the enemy but there was no signs of anything moving, after feeling a little more secure, he laid back into his comfortable position and shuts his eyes. Her head had little sweat pores after what had just happened. Into the living room she went, sounds of a little baby sleeping could be heard; CNN was being aired on the television. The table lamp was dimly lit. Just setting the right mood to rest and relax.

    She hurriedly put on her flip flops and out the main door she went, again, with extra care she shuts the door behind her. Freedom! That was the first thing that come to her mind. She was overjoyed and was proud of herself for surpassing all the hurdles set ahead of her, feeling the sense of achievement, she leaped for joy. She was being so hyper that she didn't realize that he has been waiting in the car and watching her act the way she was for the pass minute. He gave her that weird stare. Not cool some might say but if it was your girlfriend you wouldn't mind her being that way either.

    She got into the vehicle, a ford coupe, shut the door, and immediately the next thing that happen after he read to her a long love letter, the raging hormones just took over. After he read her the letter, he gazed into her eyes and said "baby, I can't stop loving you. Come let me bring you to this place, my secret place". He shifted the transmission box and pressed the throttle and off they were to that place. The place he's been always eagerly to show her, finally an opportunity. After 30 minutes of driving, they were off the freeway and into a secluded area, 5 minutes in, he made a turn on the left, there was no street lamps and was really creepy. He drove for another 10 minutes and they finally reached. He turned off the engine and turned off the head lights. He bends forward towards her and just when he wanted to whisper something into her ear, she screams out frantically, pushing him away.

"Go away, Get LOST!!! Don't come near me! I'll call the police." as though she was possessed.

"Whoa, what's the matter with you?" he asked in unbelief.

"Get away you pervert, I know your evil motives.”, still at the peak of her voice.

“What?, You’re mad! I just wanted to whisper into your ears to look up into the sky and be mesmerized by the sight of the many thousand of stars in the sky,” he explained his motives.

 Her world suddenly stopped, knowing that she was safe. Tears ran down her eyes, she moved slowly towards him and hugged him. On the other hand, he didn’t know what to do accept you receive her warmly in his arms.

“Don’t worry dear; I’ll be your crying shoulder. Just let everything out, I’m sorry that I frighten you. I would never take advantage of you, you know that don’t you?” he assured her.

 She continues sobbing, knowing what she did was so embarrassing, she started hitting him on his shoulder and was calling him a jerk for making her cry. She smiled at him with those watery eyes and they gazed into each others eyes and they started rubbing each others nose together. Suddenly she screams

 “Ah, I saw a shooting star!” with a big wide smile

 “Faster close your eyes and make a wish” he said excitedly.

 After a few seconds she opens her eyes, smiling so lustfully look at him, it got him all eager to know what she wished for but she wouldn’t tell. It was something meant for her to know and for him to never find out. It was something personal, something she could never tell anyone not even her boyfriend. They got out of the car and lay on their back on the car and started to have an intimate conversation. They were complimenting each other until the weather decided to go against them. It started to rain, but they just wouldn’t move, they knew that this moment was something different, different from other times. This time they felt really connected to one another, nothing else stood a chance to break them up for that moment, not even if her mom finds out. Time flew by, and soon the burning orange lights of the sun could be seen. Still in their wet attire, they knew it was time to go; they got into the car and headed home. He dropped her off and left the car parked there.

                                ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

     Silently she creeps up the driveway, she peeps through the window, no signs of her parents. She opened the front door, walked in slowly and closes it behind her as fast as she could, she ran all the way up the flight of stairs so that no one would have the chance to notice her entering into the house; she opened her sliding door, slipped in and turn her back against the door and blew a sigh of relief. Little did she know that her mother was actually sitting down on her study chair patiently waiting for her return. She knew it; a long lecturer would be heading her way. But for once, she did not get angry or frustrated when her mother lectured her because her mind wasn’t there, it was somewhere far away, dreaming about him, thinking about it now, it just seemed so surreal, how could it really happen? She couldn’t give herself an answer and she couldn’t care less about it anyway. Nothing could make her feel angry or sad, she was head over heels.

       After what seems to be an unending lecture, a phone call came in and saved the day for her. Her mother answered a call from what seemed to be a call from a long lost friend. The lecture stopped and she lay on her bed staring at the ceiling, mesmerized and day dreaming, she smiled to herself, this happiness she hadn’t experienced in a very long while. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep with a smile on her face.

                                +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    She opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed, the room was all white, and a ceiling fan spinning moderately directly on top of her. She tried to move her hands, but she couldn’t, she tried to move her legs, but it wouldn’t. She tried to get up of the bed, but she couldn’t, she was strapped onto the bed. She shouted for help, and a few gentlemen in white came in and poked something inside her left arm and slowly pushed the liquid into her blood stream. She felt drowsy, and was again in a deep sleep.

     The next time she opened her eyes, she was in a cell room, doors built by solid metal, windows with metal bars preventing any escapes. She finally realized where she was, that place, that horrifying place that she once called her home for 5 years of her life before she was finally let out into the world. Now, going back in there, she knew she could never bear living in those four walls that surrounds her again. The place which makes you hunger more and more each day for going back outside into the world. She knew that she was back in the psychiatric ward. She knew that it was going to be sometime before she got out again, harder than the first time. But this time it was different, she had him together with her.

 Days passed by,
Soon became months,
This eventually became years.

 But this time it was different,
He was always there with her,
Every night he will come and sit with her and talk to her.

 She didn’t mind being in that room as long as he was there with her.
Hugging her all night,
This was the meaning of life to her.
Living her life to the fullest together with her loved ones.

     She wrote poems and stories on the walls, a little day by day and soon all the walls were covered with writings, poems, drawings, cravings and all sort of stories relating to him. That love she had for him was overwhelming.

     One fine day, a journalist came over to interview a patient as her report assignment, amazingly as the journalist was passing by the hallway, she got a little glimpse of her room and immediately knew that  she wanted to get an interview with her. .The journalist went into her room and examined the poems and writings, she was amazed, flattered, lost for words at the sight of those poetry, never had she read something so simple yet so profound. It was an amazing piece of work. She told her story of the guy she loved, how he's always by her side, and how he loved her very much. Then the journalist finally understood she had dual personality sickness , a young man who always loved her. From that day on, news about this psychiatric patient was seen everywhere, from the newspapers, to magazines, to the television, it was everywhere. She got international recognition on her work.

     At a corner of the wall, there words were related to his facial expression, another corner had poems she wrote to him, at the other corner was when she was sad and down, writing all her complaints on the wall. Nevertheless she felt contented with who she was as long as he was next to her. Though she lead a life in a room with four corners, she was happier than most of us. Through her happiness she made others happier and it gave them hope. Hope for a better tomorrow; hope to be who they want to be. She inspired others by the way she lived her life.

Twenty years since her death, an autobiography on the way she lived her life was produced. It’s titled, "the woman that silently changed the world around her", it is a story about a woman who spent most of her life in room 32, the psychiatric ward she used to stay in; and yet impacted people with the way she lived her life. Her autobiography was written by that journalist that interviewed her, she named it, silently, silently impacting the life of people who knew her testimonial. Till today, her room is kept vacant; with all her writings and poetry left untouched as a remembrance of the woman she was.

 “Some live a life of pure ignorance and yet never seem to find the inner happiness, and somehow even a life of a mentally ill person is much more fulfilling. Choices we make, subtly and silently, will shape us to become who we are”. - penghan

Penghan©

Her name is Elizabeth; she had the most beautiful eyes, brownish black which has this certain sparkle in it. She has the softest and most tender fingers, you could compare it to a babies butt cheek. Her lips were blood red, and her smile was priceless. She had the height and the body of a model. Whatever she wore, she just looked fabulous in it. Especially when she wears a dress, she looks so elegant that she never failed to make a guy turn just to look at her. Every move was just so unique and she was all the other girls envy. People can hardly define her beauty; they were always flabbergasted whenever they see her. To add to that, she was a very obedient daughter, she was a top sports women, top student in academic wise and always flowed the rules set by her parents. She was every parents dream daughter and every guys dream girl.

His name is Wade, he wasn't the best looking guy, nor was he the worst. He wasn't the richest but he had a lifestyle of a middle average income family. He wasn't the smartest, but he was above average. He wasn't the shortest but he wasn't not the tallest either. He knew how to play the piano, drums and guitar, but he could not execute a solo piece. He paints, but never good enough to paint a portrait. He writes stories, but it could never reach publishing standards. he isn't exactly a home person, but he isn't exactly the most adventurous. Basically he's a jack of all trades but master of none.

Moving back a few years, when they were little..
Well, Wade and Elizabeth grew up together as neighbours. They grew up playing in the same sandbox in Elizabeth's garden. Whenever Wade goes over to Elizabeth's house in the morning, Mr. Samuel, the family butler will serve them breakfast. Breakfast changes following the days, from Monday to Wednesday, it was caviar spread on baked buns, on Thursdays it was Japanese, it was Liz's favourite and Fridays would be bread spread with peanut butter and jelly. Wade enjoyed the same privilege that Liz had because he was there almost every other day besides Saturdays, his so called family day.
You might wonder how Wade which comes from a middle income family had the money to splurge on a lush big mansion on one of the most expensive streets in the area. Well, Wades' grandparents were tycoons, they basically own the paper processing factory, unfortunately their factory caught fire and everything they had was gone. All that was left behind was their house. Wades' grandparents passed away about a decade back and left the house to Wades' parents in their will, and ever since then they have been living in this crib of theirs.
Though Wade and Liz were best of friends, they too had their fights. There was once when Wade accidentally kicked the sand and it went into Liz's eye, she cried and slapped him on his face. Mr. Samuel was in a dilemma and asked Wade to head home, they didn't talk for two straight days. Finally schooling days started, Liz was sent to the best school there was whereas Wade went a cheaply rundown looking government school which was very badly maintained. As time goes by, their friendship distanced, Liz had friends of her kind, the rich and famous. On the other hand, Wade grew up with people from all levels of society. They remained as friends, nothing more that friends. That closeness of friendship that they had seems as though it had seen better days.
Primary school days ended and they were 15, when Liz's parents decided to sent Liz over to New York to further her studies. Even though their relationship that they had never really materialized since primary days, she still had this place in her heart for Wade, she felt that something was missing. That night she wrote Wade a letter. She called him out of his room that night and asked him to come over. She called him to her room and out the window and onto the roof they went. At first it all seemed weird because it was such a long while since they did this kind of things together. They stayed up the whole night staring at the brightly lighted sky which was filled with a galaxy of stars, reminiscing the good ol' days, talking about the current happenings and just about any other thing that came into their mind.
As the morning draws, it was the 19 day of the 9 month of the year 1996; it was just a few hours before she leaves for New York. It might be a long while before they would see each other again. She gave him the letter she wrote to him and gave him a kiss on the lips before saying her last goodbyes. He was speechless and was in utter shock when she did that. She whispered in his ears,

"do read the letter, there's so much I really wanted to say to you. It's all written in there, how I neglected our friendship, if I was given a chance I would take it all back and continue the friendship we had."

She stood up, got back into her room, and off she disappeared from that room. As she walks towards the car with her parents, they were going along with her for the first week, at that point of time he felt as though part of him was leaving. All this while, he never knew that he had those special feelings for her. As she left the house, every little thing seem to stop, the birds chirping could not be heard. As though something so surreal just happened, he felt as though he was in dream that never would possibly happened. He was in such a state that he totally forgotten about the letter and left it on the rooftop.

That night a heavy storm poured down and indeed it was the best time to sleep. To no surprise, Wade was soundly asleep. He woke up in the middle of the night and back to his senses he remembered about the letter, he quickly put on his clothes and ran over to Liz's house and rang the doorbell for God knows how many times. Mr. Samuel opened the door vigorously as he thought it was the police coming by to notify them of the worst situation, "maybe the plane crashed or maybe the police came over to notify that Mr. Lardy, Liz's dad that his factory was on fire. But to his surprise he saw Wade outside their residence. He opened the fate and wanted to lecturer Wade, but before he could Wade rushed into Liz's room and out the window onto the rooftop to find for the letter. It was gone. All that remains was crisp of paper with ink smeared all over.

He wrote poems, love letters and about his daily life to her, but he never received a single letter back. He never understood why. He even asked Mr. Lardy for her address and he re-confirmed with Mr. Lardy not less than 5 times. As the years passed, he soon got on with life, he had many dates, but whenever he looked into their eyes, it always reminds him of Elizabeth; it seemed as though as it was some sort of compulsion. Or maybe some might say that it was true love..

Time flew by and before they knew it they were 25, it has been a decade since they last saw each other and Elizabeth was indeed the most beautiful thing. She was now a qualified lawyer working for one of the biggest firm in the city. She was a instant big hit in town. Helping the biggest firms win cases, something that was better than good. It was excellent. She had a successful career and had everything she wanted accept one thing, a man to stand beside her. Wade on the other hand graduated opened himself a small cafeteria down the street, he named it surreal. It was the day she kissed him that made him name the shop. It was as though it was a dream. In fact the shop was doing quite well, furthermore at this point of time he had totally forgotten about her and decided to move on with life.

One afternoon after Liz finished her work, she decided to get a nice hot coffee, and she asked her colleague which was the best coffee place.

"Surreal" was the reply.

"Surreal? What's surreal?" Liz asked.

"It's the name of the shop", replied in a firm voice.

"That's weird, why would someone name their coffee place surreal? Can it be because the coffee taste made people feel that way?, Liz suggested.

"Well, I heard that the owner of the shop named it after an incident that happened. I heard rumours that the owner got a kiss from this beautiful girl which was his neighbour and he never knew he liked her so much deep down inside. They say that she gave him a kiss and she left after that. How could she be such an inconsiderate being? Tell me, why does she want to do that? Knowing that she will be going off to further her studies and will be leaving him behind. Oh well, that was the incident which seem so surreal for him I guess. Well who knows? I think it's likely to be a rumour though." Anna, her colleague replied in furiousness

"What a rumour, but maybe she was just giving him something for remembrance sake? Hopefully he's over her and moving on with life. If not he must be dreading his life away" Liz replied.

Upon reaching the coffee place, she saw a familiar figure, was it him, she thought to herself. He approached her not noticing it was her and asked, "Excuse me miss, would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Sure", she replied without even knowing what she ordered.

He went away to get the order, and she sat there staring in at him. A part of her felt as though it was him, but the other part of her felt otherwise. She decided to ask him a question to find out if it was him. He came with a cup of thick bitter smelling cup of black coffee. As he laid it on the table..

"Excuse me sir, can I ask you a question? I hope you don't mind." she asked politely.

"Give it a shot." he answered.

"Well, it's going to seem weird, anyway here goes, What were you doing on the 18th of September year 1996, exactly 10 years ago.?!?!" she asked with excitement.

"Whoa, that's kind of odd, but you know what, I remembered that day as if it was just yesterday. I remembered sitting on the rooftop with a girl whom.. (She leaps forward and hugs him).

"Oh Wade, it's been a long while. How have you been? It's great to finally meet you again! You're look very fine and happy! Ah look at you, you've never really change!", Liz replied in utter joy.

Wade was stunned, he did not know what to do, his first love had came back and now his holding him around her. He was tongue-tied, speechless, happy but yet shocked. He couldn't take it in and he fainted abruptly.


He was admitted into the hospital for a brief check up. Nevertheless he was alright. He woke up to see her right in front of him. Flashbacks about the times they spent together were spinning in his head. It seemed as though it's surreal. That beautiful woman that he knew from the past was once again in front of him. It was his opportunity to express himself towards her and finally know if it was a one-sided affair or it was mutual. He thought to himself. Is it God's will for me?

Out of the blue, Liz asked, "You remember that night on the roof I handed you a letter? Do you remember?"

"Yeah, but I never did have the chance to read it", in a low toned voice.

"What happened? Why didn't you read it?" asking very attentively.

"You gave me a kiss that night on the roof. And I was totally stunned; I could believe that you would do such a thing. You made me all awkward on the inside, that feeling felt so surreal. There I have the most beautiful girl coming up and kissing an average lad like me had certainly blown me away. I was so shocked I forgotten all about the letter. That night it rained so heavily, I rushed over to your house only to find out that all I had left with me is little bit of wet paper all crunched up. I've never let did throw them away from me. Even till this day, I kept those pieces that remain in my wallet. I tried sending letters to you, but I never did receive any reply from you. I was hurt so badly because I thought you didn't want to talk to me and to care for me. I was crazily in love with you and (Before he could say any further, she put her fingers on his mouth).

"So it is true, the rumours about the name of your coffee place?" she asked.

"Yes, it's true, I couldn't get over you, I lost my best friend, the girl I knew since I was little, and she just left me hanging and she never came back, he replied.

Tears started rolling down her eyes, she couldn't see him suffering because of her, she took a piece of paper out of her bag and handed it to him. The paper was partly crumpled and yellowish in colour. It looked really old. He opened it and read it; it was the letter that she wrote to him.

"What is this? Is this the letter? But how can it be? I saw it with my own eyes, it was gone in the rain!" he said in unbelief.

"No, Mr. Samuel managed to save the letter from the rain that night. Though the envelope did not survive but the letter did survive. I came back during that summer; you were away in your aunt's place. Samuel gave the letter to me and said that you never receive the letter, so I kept the letter with me, until this day I have wanted to give you this letter personally myself.", she said.

He opened the letter, and in it was a map around Liz's garden, it was the place where she hid all her secret journals before she headed overseas. She didn't have the courage to tell him how she felt for him. So she decided to write how she felt in the journal on the time they spent together, when she saw him in his house but never dared to call him over, when they weren't that close anymore. It was 5 years of daily journal.

The moment he got discharged he went together with Liz to that secret place to dig the buried journal. He read a few pages of the heart written journals and he turned to her and kissed her passionately and said to her.

"It's surreal." but I know this time its real."

penghan©